Isi Kepala Ila: Ghosting

source: https://pixabay.com/photos/fantasy-spirit-nightmare-dream-2847724/

Hello, everyone! How’re you guys doing?

I’m sorry I didn’t post something on my blog fo
r a while.

It’s been a few months since my last post, and in the previous post, I asked you guys to give me some feedback toward my writings and the contents of this blog. Turns out, I have some critics and recommendation, such as to settle down my topics on this blog and to manage the layout of the blog itself. Although I still cannot decide which topic I will use for this blog and I’m not a tech savvy so I guess I should learn more how to deal with the layout, but I appreciate all the feedbacks. I think it’s nice that people really take a look on my blog and take the time to review it. Thank you so much.

Also, I will try to write more in English, because I feel like my writing comprehension is slowly lessen since I focus more on writing academic papers and write in Indonesian.

So, in this post, I would really like to discuss with you, about ghosting. Duh, who don’t know this popular term? I guess you guys have already known about this. But to avoid misunderstanding, I will provide you the definition.

According to Urban Dictionary, “Ghosting is when a person cuts off all communication with their friends or the person they're dating, with zero warning or notice before hand. You'll mostly see them avoiding friend's phone calls, social media, and avoiding them in public.”

Yeah, basically it’s when someone you know suddenly disappears and you can’t contact them anymore. Especially when you have intention to date this person or in Indonesian you can call it ‘PDKT’ (re: pendekatan)

Well, I think some of you have experienced this. I do, too.

I know this person from twitter, at first we got into a nice and smooth conversation and somehow our vibes matched. Then, he asked me to meet him, well like a date maybe. When I met him, everything seems okay, we still talk and eat and laugh. But after a few days after the meeting, he just stopped talking to me again. A week after it, I can’t even found his contact anymore.

If you ask me, is it hurt to be ghosted like that?

Of course it is.

Maybe you guys also agreed with me. It hurts to get ditch out like that. We didn’t know what we did wrong and maybe it can cause us to overthink and triggered our insecurities. When this happened, usually our brain throws us so many ‘did’ and ‘what if’ questions.

‘Did I embarrass him yesterday?’

‘Did I do something that makes him uncomfortable?’

‘What if I didn’t met him that day, maybe we can still talk’

‘What if….what if…’

We will tend to blame ourselves.

‘Maybe it was because my face or maybe because I was too boring, maybe it because I didn’t meet his expectations. I hate my belly, I hate my face, and I dislike my hairy legs. I hate this, I don’t like that.’

Those are some thoughts that came across my mind when I got ghosted.

But, because of the pandemic, I got to think and evaluate myself more.

I read some tweets and discuss this with the people who have experienced the same thing. They said that sometimes, it’s not our fault. People change. We don’t know about other people conditions. Maybe somehow they didn’t feel like to talk to us again? Maybe they feel like it’s hard for them to keep up with us? Maybe all this time they are pretending they like us and they feel forced? Or maybe, as simple as they just don’t know how to say goodbye to us.

I don’t know guys. My point is, people could have different opinions toward us and I think that’s normal. We also have the right to think differently and that’s what people are. Every human created equals, but not the same. What we think and feel to someone may be can’t reach out to that person.

So, how to cope with this is I think we should just let it go. I’ve learned that people come and go. If one person came to my life then leave, one day one or maybe more persons will come to my life to replace them. Remember that not all people come to stay, but to teach you a lesson? That’s what I believed so that I could deal with this experience. Even us, maybe we ever ghost someone. Try to look and reflect to yourself, we are also capable to do those things.

And of course, what I’m trying to say here is not to judge you. I just want to encourage you, whoever read this, it’s okay to feel sad after being ghosted, and it’s okay to embrace your emotions, but please raise and shine again. You’re so much precious and you’re valuable. One person left didn’t determine you.

Let me know how you guys think about this topic. Feel free to discuss it with me. I’m also open to any kind of critics. I want to thank you again for reading this. Your little feedback is what keeps me on writing. Thank you and…see you in the next post!